What every BSA would like to hear...
And no, he didn't just request something from me right after. /amazed
He wants to identify the problem, evaluate the options, commit to a solution, and see it work out. She: A problem develops because she immediately recognizes all the issues that are related to the one he brought up. She feels a need to open up all those issues because they are relevant to the discussion. She's afraid that if she doesn't open them, the loose ends will never be addressed. The problem is we women are very impatient listeners. Patient listening will periodically bring the emotions to the surface we love to see.
...she was concerned about her upcoming marriage. She loved her fiancé deeply, but she was afraid he was kind of shallow. He loved cars and spent most of his free time in the garage working on the next automobile project he had lined up. He was kind to her and respected the things she said, but he seemed to be dominated by cars.
"Pam, I love him. What am I supposed to do? How can I know for sure?"
"Go into the garage," I enthusiastically told her. "He feels confident there. Meet him there and see what happens."
Well, two weeks later I saw her again, and she was so excited. She had taken some lemonade into the garage where he was working on his car and just sat and listened to him. He was talking about torquing this and tweaking that. He was using vocabulary like "horsepower" and "compression", words that were meaningless to her. She described how her eyes were rolling back in her head from boredom when he suddenly dropped into a new box.
"Thank you so much for caring about me," he said as he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "No one has ever taken the time to listen to me like you. You are the only person I have ever known who has let me go on and on about my cars without getting bored. I can picture myself growing old with you. We are going to have a great life together." With that he gave her a big hug...
She was so touched by the connection she received after the ordeal of listening that she said to me, "Pam, I am never leaving the garage again."
While walking from the gym to the car, God spoke. As I turned off my mp3 player and started up the car engine, it just so happened that the song I was listening to off my iPod was the same song playing in the car stereo (mix CD) and the song started up right where I left off! At that moment, He reminded me, "worship is continual". It encompasses work, church, family, relationships, going to the gym, on the road, while having fun, idle thoughts, future plans, decisions, sleep, everything. Lately, I've forgotten this. =/
Once again, it is night and I am still at the office. In life, I find myself finding that "the last time" is almost never really the last time. Lately, it's beginning to feel like this job is sucking the life out of me (often I wonder if I'm missing out on my own life... can't help, but feel like I was meant for something else). Granted, me being behind is a mixture between crazy unmanageable overload of work and my own fault of 1. Not speaking up earlier and 2. Being unmotivated for almost 2 weeks (change of management hasn't been the smoothest ride). Been ever so struggling to live out Col. 3:23-24. 
I'm so tired. I just want rest. Then I remembered what Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matt. 11:28-29)
When was the last time I opened the Bible (unhurriedly) to read purely just for myself, because I miss Him and want to hear from Him, to spend time with the Lover of my Soul? Not because I should, my Branch is going over it, or just needing to find a reference. I can't really recall. If I can spend time sorting through my work Inbox, why can't I spend a moment soaking in what my Lord referred to as The Bread of Life, my Sword, something I'm supposed to hide in my heart (so that I will not sin against God), one of the main instruments He uses to speak? My heart is so dry, it struggles to cry. Lord, please speak, for your servant is listening.
Scripture of the day from biblegateway.com?
"Wash yourselves, make yourselves clean;
Remove the evil of your deeds from My sight
Cease to do evil,
Learn to do good;
Seek justice,
Reprove the ruthless,
Defend the orphan,
Plead for the widow.
"Come now, and let us reason together,"
Says the LORD,
"Though your sins are as scarlet,
They will be as white as snow;
Though they are red like crimson,
They will be like wool.
"If you consent and obey,
You will eat the best of the land;
Visited the Griffith Observatory last night. In my recollection I've never been there before (my dad says otherwise, my mom says she's never been either - I'm not sure who to believe, so I'll just consider this my first time).
The view of LA was amazing. We also watched a movie in the plantarium. The night sky is so beautiful, so mysterious, so majestic. Came away from the comfy, lean-back chairs, breathless. It's so true that if we ponder our existence and really open our eyes to the world around us, all Creation spells out that there is a God, One who deserves all glory and honor. The entire experience gave me renewed perspective on how small we were (including our problems and worries), how infinite the Universe is (there's so much still that we don't know), and the God who created it all (and deeply loved by Him). By the time we descended the mountain, I couldn't help, but feel so very humbled and deeply loved. My Lord and Savior, who am I that you would love me so? 
- Psalm 8:1-9
"There is a difference between believing that God is holy and gracious, and having a new sense on the heart of the loveliness and beauty of that holiness and grace. The difference between believing that God is gracious and tasting that God is gracious is as different as having a rational belief that honey is sweet and having the actual sense of its sweetness." - Jonathan Edwards, A Divine and Supernatural Light.
When we believe in and rest in [Jesus'] work for us, through the Holy Spirit he becomes real to our hearts. His love is like honey, or like wine. Rather than only believing that he is loving, we can come to sense the reality of his love... this makes all the difference. If you are filled with shame and guilt, you do not merely need to believe in the abstract concept of God's mercy. You must sense, on the palate of the heart, as it were, the sweetness of his mercy.
We habitually and instinctively look to other things besides God and his grace as our justification, hope, significance, and security. We believe the gospel on one level, but at deeper levels do not. Human approval, professional success, power and influence, family and clan identity--all of these things serve as our heart's "functional trust" rather than what Christ has done, and as a result we continue to be driven to a great degree by fear, anger, and a lack of self-control. You cannot change such things through mere will-power, through learning Biblical principles and trying to carry them out. We can only change permanently as we take the gospel more deeply into our understanding and into our hearts. We must feed on the gospel, as it were, digesting it and making part of ourselves. That is how we grow.
What makes you faithful or generous is not just a redoubled effort to follow moral rules. Rather, all change comes from deepening your understanding of the salvation of Christ and living out of the changes that understanding creates in your heart. Faith in the gospel restructures our motivations, our self-understanding, our identity, and our view of the world. Behavioral compliance to rules without heart-change will be superficial and fleeting... If we say "I believe in Jesus" but it doesn't affect the way we live, the answer is not that now we need to add hard work to our faith so much as that we haven't truly understood or believed in Jesus at all.
O taste and see that the LORD is good.
How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!
O fear the LORD, you His saints;
For to those who fear Him there is no want.
(Psalm 34:8-9)
My Monday morning:
, but people please stop dying (choosing to die) on the train tracks! posted earlier in the week regarding change - just received word this morning during our weekly team meeting: they have filled my current-manager's open position. it's a marine Hoorah! (married w/children), current-title: principal, who sits in the office next to him. not as bad as i feared it could be (my very unpleasant co-worker on our team was also trying for the position. i'd be aghast and was prepared to jump ship ASAP if that happened). perhaps this response is somewhat premature, but the situation could have gotten really bad, really quickly. thank God for His mercy. I was so relieved.
went to visit my sister's potential new apartment saturday. parents weren't thrilled because they'd rather her stay home and save up for a house. i think it's wise what my parents think, but she's not going to listen, so the appropriate alternative response would be: i'm happy for her (they realize this, too, and as encouraging as our asian-alien parents can be, they are). her and her friend, e.w. (the adorable nerdy rock-climbing friend with the sexy bike) will be co-signing together (i'm not too concerned, they're quite platonic and I think he's a pretty good guy). despite my happiness for my sister's new job, new place, and just reaching new horizons in life, i feel a tinge of sadness. when i sit, contemplate on where she's at (or most of my peers for that matter), i can't help but feel worlds behind.
it's true that i'm not the most ambitious person, easily content, and for the most part, quite happy with my life. however, i also know, in terms of "growing up" i'm so behind. what does growing up mean? it impacts one's professional, financial, and even relational standing. it means becoming fully-independent (it's not whether if one is able, but if one is already. i'm the more compliant of us two, so i decided to stay home during this time) and being able to take care of those i love financially & more. it means letting go of childish & hopeful notions of what 'true love' is and dating the good-Christian guy with the stable & promising career, car, house, and dog (even if my heart doesn't skip a beat when i see him).
after my bout of sadness on saturday (before our wifi decided to throw a hissyfit, which helped tip over my /meh day to *facepalm life*), and if i'm honest with myself, even before reaching the legal voting age, the Holy Spirit never fails to remind me of Him who holds my life (and future) in His hands. there's always more of me to improve and "grow up", always more learning and "growing" to do. He reminds me again and again to walk by faith, not by sight, that He looks at the heart more than where i am on the corporate ladder or pay-scale. that all that i have is from His hand and to remember that He never withholds good from me. He only gives what's best (if He didn't withhold His only Son, there's no reason He would withhold anything else - He already gave His best). And if I don't have, I only have to ask (and pray).
yes, I'm reminded... I'm also reminded today is Monday and work (is still piling up, making me perpetually feel a mile behind)... that Jesus calls to carry the cross daily and follow Him (by grace, by faith, in Christ alone). so how does the God of the Universe change the heart of this stubborn & unambitious girl today? by drawing me to look to Him and to give me His heart & dreams, by reminding me of the Sure Hope (His plans are golden. no place better to be than the center of His will). to trust Him. to live life step-by-step, wherever He leads. so perhaps it's not about "growing up" (my notions or the world's), but "growing in Him" (He reigns in all of me, it's about submitting to the King). I know, I know... so please help me live it, Lord. after all, it's Monday again....
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